Devoid

Monday, August 21, 2006:

I see no more beauty in the world
The wonder passes over me like waves across an empty beach
All that I could once see
And all that I could once feel
Is gone, and all that is left are their shadows
Dark and looming, weighing me down
Haunting me
And as my memory seems to fail
And my words tend to faulter
I feel as if I am a ghost of myself
And who I once was is already cold and dead
And who that person was I can't even fucking remember
A stranger to myself and to the world
Insulated from understanding
By a thick net of confusion
I am confused at my existence
Sometimes I wonder if I am already dead
And if I am not, why am I still here?
To what purpose does my empty existence serve this world
And its absent god
If only I could find more words to say
Or express my thoughts another way
Because I feel as if I am trapped inside myself
Inside this existence, covered by this net of confusion
I just want to break free
Of whatever the hell is slowly killing me
Chris // 8/21/2006

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